Collection of Very Funny Neil Nitin Mukesh Jokes

After Rajinikanth, CID, Anand Kejriwal, its time for Neil Nitin Mukesh Jokes. Here are some of tweets from twitter.com.

• Alok Nath has 3 Daughters and they are married to Neil Nitin Mukesh :)

• Neil Nitin Mukesh's girlfriend always complains ''2 log humey dekh rahe hain''.

• Each film of Neil Nitin Mukesh is considered a trilogy automatically.

• Neil Nitin Mukesh hates bikes since he was fined for triple riding.

• You can claim a hat trick after taking wicket of Neil Nitin Mukesh .

• Neil Nitin Mukesh is always on conference call.

• "Teenon bach gaye." - Gabbar Singh, after attempting to shoot Neil Nitin Mukesh.

• Two is company. Neil Nitin Mukesh is a crowd.

• Neil Nitin Mukesh has paid tribute to himself by appearing in a film called 3G.

• Neil Nitin Mukesh's movie are never superhit because 'Teen Tigaada Kaam Bigaada

• What do you mean Neil Nitin Mukesh's father isn't the author of "THREE Mistakes Of My Life"

• When Neil Nitin Mukesh uses iPod its called triPOd

• After Modi called Salman for lunch, Rahul Gandhi is planning to call Neil Nitin Mukesh for lunch, considering him as 3 votes.

• Neil Nitin Mukesh is the brand ambassador of Bagpiper, cuz "Khoob jamega rang, jab mil baithenge teen yaar…""

• Neil Nitin Mukesh votes for AAP, BJP and Congress respectively.

• Think thrice before you crack a joke on Neil Nitin Mukesh.

• KBC,Who was lead actor in Johny Gaddar? 1. Neil 2. Nitin 3. Mukesh 4. All of the above.

• When Neil Nitin Mukesh prepares Maggi , it got prepared in 2/3 minutes..

• The next 3 episodes of comedy night with kapil will feature Neil Nitin Mukesh.

• Neil Nitin Mukesh uses a triple SIM phone

• Neil Nitin Mukesh get 3 delivery reports for each sms he sends.

• Neil Nitin Mukesh is optimist, pessimist and realist.

• Neil Nitin Mukesh can be the new ambassador of Zandu balm because ek balm teen kaam..!

• Neil Nitin Mukesh is the only person involved in Love Triangle.

Funny But True, Myths of IT People...!!!

Funny But True, Myths of IT People...!!!

After meeting lots of non-IT friends, relatives, strangers etc, you will notice that the moment you say that you are an IT guy, they have
already made some assumptions about you. It must have happened with you also.

Myth No 1: If you haven't been onsite ...u are a loser..! 

Uncle: "Are tum to 2-3 saal se bade IT company mein job kar rahe ho na?"
Me: ji Haan uncle ......bas ....."
Uncle: "Tum kabhi videsh nahi gaye kya?"
Me: "Nahi uncle, project me requirement hi nahi hai onsite k liye"
Uncle:"Lekin us Ramesh ko to maanna padega.... vo bechara chote sheher se padha hai.....bade college se nahi hai,  fir bhi usne jamke mehnat ki aur usse company ne USA bheja!".

That’s the big problem. People always think that the smart ones are sent on site while the loser are the people who are left behind in India. So the bottom line for them is that if you haven't been on site then you don't work hard nor you have any sincerity and...etc etc..!!

Myth No 2: If you are not in the biggies... u are a loser..!

Auntyji : "Beta, kaunsi company hai tumhari?"......"Kabhi naam suna nahi iska"....."Kaha hai ye?...... Software ki hi hai na???"
"Tumko HP, INTEL aisi badi company mein nahi liya kya?" (in short: "tum second grade k gadhe lagte ho")

I wonder how to explain them things like Domain, niche, product based companies etc..etc 

Myth No 3: You can fix any computer…and calculator and may be clocks too ..!
  
Most of the computer engineers around must have at least once gone to a friend's place only to fix his /her comp. The task can be from installing a small software (click next,next, next and finish) to starting a computer which was not plugged on properly(HW part).
According to them you should know each n every IC, diods, n all electronic components...
You are engineer . you should also able to fix other electronic device....

Myth No 4: You have lots of money..!

Once I met up with my old friends from school from different streams. I just mentioned that it is such a pain to go to office nowadays and planning to buy a car.

Friend 1: "tumhe kya problem ho sakti hai .. tu to IT waala hai"
Friend 2: "Tu to Honda CRV araam se le saktaa hai"
Me: "CRV!! are bhai CRV to kya mere pass VCR lene ke liye bhi paisa nahi hai".

Even after lots of convincing, they were not getting convinced.

Myth No 5: Coding means sitting in front of the computer.

During my college days ,I encounter with friend from mechanical dept:

Mech guy: "Ye tumhara Computer engineering bada nautanki wala kaam hai.... four years you learn the same grey dabba... and all you people do is sit nicely in front of that dabba and punch the keys"(OMG...punch??!!!!...... we r not keyboard boxers ... :(  )

Myth No 6: Diwali Bonus 

In Diwali..when you go to hometown (if by chance, by mistake u get leaves approved).u get to hear questions from people around your home like......"Are you gonna get a bonus this
Diwali.....??"
And when reply is NO.....they will give weird expression...!!!!!!!

Myth No 7 : My xyz also works there... 

When I tell anybody that I work with ABC company , many times I get a reply from them is,
"my son/daughter/relative iska ye, uska wo also works in ABC.
according to them you must be knowing him/her, and if I answer is NO, they feel disappointed.

How to explain to them that there are around thousands of employees in my company, I even don't know the people belonging to different project who sits besides my cubicle, forget about knowing everybody in the company. LoL.


The Last and the Best

How many times do you face this question..?
"What does your company make...???" 

Very logical question but.....How do you answer this one?

20 very funny Husband and wife jokes

1. Husband texts to wife on cell."Hi, what r u doing Darling?"
Wife: I'm dying..!
Husband jumps with joy but types "Sweet Heart, how can I live without U?"
Wife: "U idiot! I'm dying my hair…"
Husband: "Bloody English Language!”

2. An Airline Introduced A Special Package For Business Men. “Buy Ur Ticket Get Ur Wife's Ticket Free.”
After Great Success, The Company Sent Letters To All The Wives Asking How Was The Trip.
All Of Them Gave A Same Reply..."Which Trip?"

3. Doc to wife: Give him healthy breakfast, be pleasant & in gud mood, don’t discuss ur problems,
No TV serial, don’t demand new clothes & gold jewels,
Do this for 1 yr & he will be ok.
On the way home..
Husband: What did the doctor say ?
Wife:- No chance for u to survive.

4. ''An Intelligent Wife Is One Who Makes Sure She Spends So Much
That Her Husband Can't Afford Another Women"

5. Woman Buys A New SIM Card Puts It In Her Phone And Decides To Surprise
Her Husband Who Is Seated On The Couch In The Living Room.
She Goes To The Kitchen, Calls Her Husband With The New Number: "Hello Darling"
The Husband Responds In A Low Tone: "Let Me Call U Back Later Honey, The Dumb Lady Is In The Kitchen..

6. Cool Message by a woman:
Dear Mother-in-law, "Don't Teach me how 2 handle my children,
I'm living with one of yours & he needs a lot of improvement"

7. A kid was beaten by his mom.
Dad came n asked - what happen son?
Kid said-I can’t adjust with your wife anymore, I want my own.

8. Lion bounced on wife
In an African Safari, A LION suddenly bounced on Santa's wife.
WIFE: Shoot him! Shoot him!
SANTA: Yes, Yes. I'm changing d battery of my camera..

9. Throwing knives on wife's picture
Husband was throwing knives on wife’s picture.
All were missing the target!
Suddenly he received call from her "Hi, what r u doing?"
His honest reply, "MISSING U"

10. When a married man says "I'll think about it",
What he really means that, He doesn't know his wife's opinion yet..

11. Wife: Do you want dinner?
Husband: Sure, what are my choices?
Wife: Yes and no.

12. What is the Difference between Mother & Wife?
What is the Difference between Mother & Wife?
A - One Woman Brings U into this world crying... & the other ensures U Continue to do so.

13. Interviewer to Millionaire: To whom do you owe your success as a millionaire?"
Millionaire: "I owe everything to my wife."
Interviewer: "Wow, she must be some woman.
Interviewer: "What were you before you married her?"
Millionaire: "A Billionaire"

14. Wife: honey, what r u looking 4?
Husband: nothing
Wife: why have u been reading our marriage certificate 4 an hour?
Husband: i was just looking 4 the expiry date

15. A man in Hell asked Devil:
Can I make a call to my Wife?
After making a call he asked how much to pay.
Devil: Nothing, Hell to hell is Free.

16. Wife Running After A Garbage Truck:
Am I Too Late For The Garbage?
Hubby Following Her Yelled: Not Yet.
Jumpppp Innnn Fastttt.

17. What if you don't see me for 2 days?
A man came home late at night after a party.
His wife yelled:
"how would you feel if you don't see me for two days?"
The man couldn't believe his luck: 'that would be great'!
Monday passed and he didn't see her......
Tuesday and Wednesday passed too.....
On Thursday his swelling became better
And now he could see her from the corner of one eye.

18. Difference between Friend & Wife
U can Tell your Friend "U r my Best Friend"
But Do u have courage tell to ur Wife "U r my Best Wife?"

19. A recently fired stock trader said ...
"This is worse than divorce... I have lost everything and I still have my wife..."

20. Message of the year:-
Women live a better, longer & peaceful life..!!
Why?
Very simple...
A woman does not have a wife..!!!

Collection of Best Indian PJs (Poor Jokes)

Collection of Best Indian PJs (Poor Jokes)

These are some of the best PJ collected over the time, enjoy and have fun. Keep visiting for more.

1. Tune mera dil toda
aur kiya mera
apmaan....!!!
.
Kya is bar duniya ko
bacha payega
Shaktiman....?

2. Santa: People consider me as a GOD.

Banta: How do you know??

Santa: Whenever I go to any place, people say "Hey bhagwan tu fir aa gaya"

3. After gr8 career Amitabh Bachchan takes rest,

wah wah,
.
After gr8 career Amitabh Bachchan takes rest,

wah wah,

Taste mein best, mummy aur everest.

4. There is a NOT gate which takes input as Sridevi and gives output as

Tabu.
HOW so?
Think

.

.
Because, Sridevi acted in a movie "Chandni"
and Tabu acted in a movie "Chandni Bar" ( ! Chandini Bar)

5. Luv and Kush are going to a village & in between comes a well.

Luv falls into the well. Why???
Because Luv (love) is blind !!!!!
Now, Kush also jumps inside. Why???
Because Luv ke liye saala Kush bhi karega!!!!

6. Who make Ganesh to Anesh...????

ThinK......

Think......

okay....

" KAILASH KHER "

tere naam se " G " loon....

7. Raavan felt repentence one day for all his bad deeds. He felt that he

had really done a lot of bad things which affected Ram's life, so he
should apologise to Ram. He went to Ram's house and knocked on the
door.
Ram opened the door and was surprised to find Raavan.

Raavan also kept staring and thinking but didn't say a word..... Why

What was he thinking ?????
.
.
Kis mooh se maafi maangoon ?

8. Tumhari adaao pe main wari wari...

wah wah..

Tumhari adaao pe main wari wari...

wah wah..

Arre Yaar! Network me aa, teri awaaj nai aa rahi.

9. school me ladke line me khade the

pehle ladke ka naam jeet hai to uske pichewale ka naam kya hoga?
.

.

Darr !
Arre
Kyunki Darr ke aage Jeet hai.

10. Raat ko dekha maine ek sunder dream..

Raat ko dekha maine ek sunder dream..

Vico turmeric, Nahi cosmetic, Vico termeric ayurvedic cream!!

11. Ek baar ek gaaaoun mei ramu naam ka aadmi rehta hai..... wo shaher chala jaata hai....

jab wo sheher se waapas aata hai to wo bahut rich ho jaata hai jisse wo gaaoun mei aaalishaaan ghar banata hai.....

ek raat ko uske ghar chor aate hain.....

but

jaisii hii wo almaari kholte hiii bahut saarii name plates unke siiir pe aaker gir jaati hain.....

saaari almaariyo me,TIJORI mei....bedroom me.... sab jagah unhe name plates miltiii hain....

bataiye kyu..!


kyunki...!

Wo shaher se bahut naam kama ke laata hai.....!!!!!

How Examiners Take Viva In College

What is red and goes tring tring?
.
.
.
.
.
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.
.
.

TOMATO
the tring tring was to confuse you.

.
.
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.
.
.
.
.
.

again
What is red and goes tring tring?

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
BLACK PHONE
the red was to confuse you...

.
.
.
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.
.
.
again
What is red and goes tring tring?

.
.
.
.
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.
.
.
.
CAKE
both red and tring tring was to confuse you

.
.
.
.
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.
.
.
again
What is red and goes tring tring?

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
FIRE BRIGADE
and you thought I was confusing you...

.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

that's how examiners take viva in college...

Best Funny English Language Mistakes : Part 2

1. Take Copper Wire of any metal.
2. Take 5 cm wire of any length.
3. It was very hot in the afternoon when the teacher entered. She tried to switch the fan on, but there was some problem. And then she said "why is fan not oning" (ing form of ON).
4. Lab assistant said, "I understand. You understand. Computers how understand?? (In terms of 1's n 0's)
5. Master to his students by pointing his bike that is parked under a tree, "See there, my bike is understanding the tree!!!"
6. PT teacher, "Okay guys, all of you stand in a straight circle!”
7. There is no wind in the balloon.
8. Teacher to boy, angrily: I talk, he talk, why you middle-middle talk?
9. You, rotate the ground four times...!
10. You go and under-stand the tree...!
11. Three of you stand together separately.
12. Why are you late - say YES or NO ... (?)
13. Every body should wear dress to college
14. Boys no proplum.
15. Girls are pig proplum . (pig=big).
16. Girls should not wear T shirt, U shirt, V shirt, but if you want to wear. Remove it when inside the campus and put it outside the campus.
17. Open the doors of the window. Let the atmosphere come in.
18. Cut an apple into two halves - I will take the bigger half. 
19. Open the doors of the window. Let the Air Force come in.

Did you ever heard about these vehicles ??

Did you ever heard about these vehicles ??

Bus Conductor : Best Puzzle

Hardest puzzle... try to give the answer...!!! I was also unable to answer first time.

Once there was a bus conductor, who was very rude to his passengers.

One day a beautiful young girl, of around 18 years,tried to board the bus, but he didn't stop the bus. Unfortunately the beautiful young girl came under the bus and died on the spot.

The judge was not at all impressed with him and gave him capital punishment. He was taken to the electrocution chamber. There was a single chair in the center of the room and a single banana peel at one corner of the room. The conductor was strapped to the chair and high voltage current was given to him. But to everyone's amazement, he survived. The judge decided to set him free, and he returned to his profession.

After a few months, this time, a good looking middle aged woman tried to board the bus but the conductor didn't stop the bus. Unfortunately, this time also,the good looking middle aged woman came under the bus and died on the spot. Again angry passengers took him to the police station, who in turn took him to the court. The Bus conductor was taken to the same electrocution chamber where there was a single chair in the center of the room and a single banana peel at one corner of the room. He was strapped to the chair and high voltage current was given to him. This time also to everyone's amazement, he survived. The judge decided to set him free, and he returned to his profession.

A couple of months later, an elderly gentleman tried to board the bus. This time the Bus conductor, remembering his earlier experiences, stopped the bus.Unfortunately the elderly gentleman slipped and died due to his injuries. The conductor was taken to the police station and then to the court, to the same judge. Though he hadn't done anything wrong, but considering his past record the judge decided to set an example and gave him capital punishment.

The Bus conductor was again taken to the same electrocution chamber where there was a single chair in the center of the room and a single banana peel at one corner of the room. He was strapped to the chair and high voltage current was given to him.

This time he died instantly...!!!

The question is why didn't he die on the first two occasions, but died

instantly the third time??

Try to solve it yourself. This is rather interesting and answer is perfectly logical. If necessary read the puzzle once again.

Still if you can't, Then see below...!

think hard

don't give up!!!

tired..?

wanna know the answer????

Answer: During the first two times, the conductor was a Bad Conductor, therefore electricity didn't pass through him. But during the

third time, he was a good conductor, electricity passed through him freely and he died.

Best Funny English Language Mistakes : Part 1

I don't know from where these lines have came, but they are indeed very funny. I have collected them over floating mails and over Internet.

People sometimes uses English language in very funny way. Enjoy the collection of best funny English language mistakes.

1. Teacher in Classroom: Don’t try to talk in front of my back…!!.
2. Class teacher once said: "Pick up the paper and fall in the dustbin!!!".
3. Principal to student..." I saw u yesterday rotating near girls' hostel pulling cigarette...? ".
4. Indian Teacher: I'm going out of the world to England...!
5. Tomorrow call your parents especially mother and father…!!!.
6. Teacher in a furious mood, “Write down your name and father of your name!!”.
7. Don't laugh at the back benches...otherwise teeth and all will be fallen down..!!.
8. “ Shh... quiet... the principal is revolving around college".
9. She Started her introduction, "Hi, I am Jane, Married with two kids".
10. "I'll illustrate what I have in my mind" said the professor and erased the board.
11. "Will you hang that calendar or else I'll HANG MYSELF".
12. "My aim is to study my son and marry my daughter".
13. "Why are you looking at the monkeys outside when I am in the class?!".
14. Teacher to his students "Do you know? I have 2 daughters. Both are girls!!!".
15. Teacher Scold “If u Talk So Loudly I Will Stand Uping U”.
16. Teacher to students: do not spit outside, the understanding people will suffer.
17. Principal, "No ragging this college. Anybody rag we arrest the police”.
18. Teacher, “Ask the outstanding student to come inside”.
19. The girl with the mirror please comes here....{Means: girl with).
20. "Hey, from tomorrow onward you both come together separately".