Joke Duniya: Funny

Showing posts with label Funny. Show all posts

January 17, 2014

Collection of Very Funny Neil Nitin Mukesh Jokes

After Rajinikanth, CID, Anand Kejriwal, its time for Neil Nitin Mukesh Jokes. Here are some of tweets from twitter.com.

• Alok Nath has 3 Daughters and they are married to Neil Nitin Mukesh :)

• Neil Nitin Mukesh's girlfriend always complains ''2 log humey dekh rahe hain''.

• Each film of Neil Nitin Mukesh is considered a trilogy automatically.

• Neil Nitin Mukesh hates bikes since he was fined for triple riding.

• You can claim a hat trick after taking wicket of Neil Nitin Mukesh .

• Neil Nitin Mukesh is always on conference call.

• "Teenon bach gaye." - Gabbar Singh, after attempting to shoot Neil Nitin Mukesh.

• Two is company. Neil Nitin Mukesh is a crowd.

• Neil Nitin Mukesh has paid tribute to himself by appearing in a film called 3G.

• Neil Nitin Mukesh's movie are never superhit because 'Teen Tigaada Kaam Bigaada

• What do you mean Neil Nitin Mukesh's father isn't the author of "THREE Mistakes Of My Life"

• When Neil Nitin Mukesh uses iPod its called triPOd

• After Modi called Salman for lunch, Rahul Gandhi is planning to call Neil Nitin Mukesh for lunch, considering him as 3 votes.

• Neil Nitin Mukesh is the brand ambassador of Bagpiper, cuz "Khoob jamega rang, jab mil baithenge teen yaar…""

• Neil Nitin Mukesh votes for AAP, BJP and Congress respectively.

• Think thrice before you crack a joke on Neil Nitin Mukesh.

• KBC,Who was lead actor in Johny Gaddar? 1. Neil 2. Nitin 3. Mukesh 4. All of the above.

• When Neil Nitin Mukesh prepares Maggi , it got prepared in 2/3 minutes..

• The next 3 episodes of comedy night with kapil will feature Neil Nitin Mukesh.

• Neil Nitin Mukesh uses a triple SIM phone

• Neil Nitin Mukesh get 3 delivery reports for each sms he sends.

• Neil Nitin Mukesh is optimist, pessimist and realist.

• Neil Nitin Mukesh can be the new ambassador of Zandu balm because ek balm teen kaam..!

• Neil Nitin Mukesh is the only person involved in Love Triangle.

April 17, 2013

Funny Letters Written By Kids To God

What would be kids thinking while writing a letter to God???

These are some funny lines written by kids to god.

Dear God,

Thank you for the baby brother, but I prayed for a puppy.
Joyce

Dear God,

My father told me about being born, but that doesn't sound right. He was kidding, right?
Marsha

Dear God,

Did you mean for the giraffe to look like that or was it an accident?
Norma

Dear God,

Did you really mean, "Do unto others as they do unto you?" Because if you did, then I'm going to fix my brother!
Darla

Dear God,

We read Thomas Edison made light. But in Sunday School they said you did it. So I bet he stole your idea.
Dona

Dear God,

I bet it is very hard for you to love all of the people in the whole world. There are only four people in our whole family and I can never do it.
Nan

Dear God,

If we come back as something else, please don't let me be Jennifer Horton because I hate her.
Love,

Dannie

Dear God,

In Bible times did they really talk that fancy?
Suzy

Dear God,

What does it mean you are a jealous God? I thought you had everything.
Jane

Dear God,

It rained for our whole vacation and my father was mad! He said some things about you that people are not supposed to say, but I hope you won't hurt him anyway.
Your friend (I'm not going to tell you my name.)

April 9, 2013

Funny But True, Myths of IT People...!!!

After meeting lots of non-IT friends, relatives, strangers etc, you will notice that the moment you say that you are an IT guy, they have
already made some assumptions about you. It must have happened with you also.

Myth No 1: If you haven't been onsite ...u are a loser..!

Uncle: "Are tum to 2-3 saal se bade IT company mein job kar rahe ho na?"
Me: ji Haan uncle ......bas ....."
Uncle: "Tum kabhi videsh nahi gaye kya?"
Me: "Nahi uncle, project me requirement hi nahi hai onsite k liye"
Uncle:"Lekin us Ramesh ko to maanna padega.... vo bechara chote sheher se padha hai.....bade college se nahi hai, fir bhi usne jamke mehnat ki aur usse company ne USA bheja!".

That’s the big problem. People always think that the smart ones are sent on site while the loser are the people who are left behind in India. So the bottom line for them is that if you haven't been on site then you don't work hard nor you have any sincerity and...etc etc..!!

Myth No 2: If you are not in the biggies... u are a loser..!

Auntyji : "Beta, kaunsi company hai tumhari?"......"Kabhi naam suna nahi iska"....."Kaha hai ye?...... Software ki hi hai na???"
"Tumko HP, INTEL aisi badi company mein nahi liya kya?" (in short: "tum second grade k gadhe lagte ho")

I wonder how to explain them things like Domain, niche, product based companies etc..etc

Myth No 3: You can fix any computer…and calculator and may be clocks too ..!

Most of the computer engineers around must have at least once gone to a friend's place only to fix his /her comp. The task can be from installing a small software (click next,next, next and finish) to starting a computer which was not plugged on properly(HW part).
According to them you should know each n every IC, diods, n all electronic components...
You are engineer . you should also able to fix other electronic device....

Myth No 4: You have lots of money..!

Once I met up with my old friends from school from different streams. I just mentioned that it is such a pain to go to office nowadays and planning to buy a car.

Friend 1: "tumhe kya problem ho sakti hai .. tu to IT waala hai"
Friend 2: "Tu to Honda CRV araam se le saktaa hai"
Me: "CRV!! are bhai CRV to kya mere pass VCR lene ke liye bhi paisa nahi hai".

Even after lots of convincing, they were not getting convinced.

Myth No 5: Coding means sitting in front of the computer.

During my college days ,I encounter with friend from mechanical dept:

Mech guy: "Ye tumhara Computer engineering bada nautanki wala kaam hai.... four years you learn the same grey dabba... and all you people do is sit nicely in front of that dabba and punch the keys"(OMG...punch??!!!!...... we r not keyboard boxers ... :( )

Myth No 6: Diwali Bonus

In Diwali..when you go to hometown (if by chance, by mistake u get leaves approved).u get to hear questions from people around your home like......"Are you gonna get a bonus this
Diwali.....??"
And when reply is NO.....they will give weird expression...!!!!!!!

Myth No 7 : My xyz also works there...

When I tell anybody that I work with ABC company , many times I get a reply from them is,
"my son/daughter/relative iska ye, uska wo also works in ABC.
according to them you must be knowing him/her, and if I answer is NO, they feel disappointed.

How to explain to them that there are around thousands of employees in my company, I even don't know the people belonging to different project who sits besides my cubicle, forget about knowing everybody in the company. LoL.

The Last and the Best

How many times do you face this question..?
"What does your company make...???"

Very logical question but.....How do you answer this one?

February 7, 2013

28 Funny one Liners to laugh

I don’t suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.
Some people are alive only because it’s illegal to kill them.
I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
Don’t take life too seriously; No one gets out alive.
You’re just jealous because the voices only talk to me.
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.
I’m not a complete idiot — Some parts are just missing.
Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
God must love stupid people; He made so many.
The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
Being “over the hill” is much better than being under it!
Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew up.
Procrastinate Now!
I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts; Do You Want Fries With That?
A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.
Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!
They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.
He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless DEAD.
A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand times the memory.
Ham and eggs, a day’s work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig.
The trouble with life is there’s no background music.
The original point and click inter face was a Smith & Wesson.
I smile because I don’t know what the hell is going on.
My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn't.

January 23, 2013

Best and Funny One Liner Jokes

Collection of best and funny one liners. keep visiting for more.

1) Regular naps prevent old age, especially if you take them while driving.

2) Having one child makes you a parent; having two you are a referee.

3) Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband!

4) I believe we should all pay our tax with a smile. I tried - but they wanted cash.

5) Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she'll take it anyway.

6) My wife and I always compromise. I admit I'm wrong and she agrees with me.

7) It doesn't matter how often a married man changes his job, he still ends up with the same boss.

8) Saving is the best thing. Especially when your parents have done it for you.

9) Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools talk because they have to say something.

10) They call our language the mother tongue because the father seldom gets to speak!

11) Why do couples hold hands during their wedding?
It's a formality just like two boxers shaking hands before the fight begins!

12) Wife: Darling today is our anniversary, what should we do?
Husband: Let us stand in silence for 2 minutes.

13) It's funny when people discuss Love Marriage vs Arranged.
It's like asking someone, if suicide is better or being murdered.

14) There is only one perfect child in the world and every mother has it.

15) There is only one perfect wife in the world and every neighbor has it!

January 10, 2013

Best Funny English Language Mistakes : Part 2

Take Copper Wire of any metal.
Take 5 cm wire of any length.
It was very hot in the afternoon when the teacher entered. She tried to switch the fan on, but there was some problem. And then she said "why is fan not oning" (ing form of ON).
Lab assistant said, "I understand. You understand. Computers how understand?? (In terms of 1's n 0's)
Master to his students by pointing his bike that is parked under a tree, "See there, my bike is understanding the tree!!!"
PT teacher, "Okay guys, all of you stand in a straight circle!”
There is no wind in the balloon.
Teacher to boy, angrily: I talk, he talk, why you middle-middle talk?
You, rotate the ground four times...!
You go and under-stand the tree...!
Three of you stand together separately.
Why are you late - say YES or NO ... (?)
Every body should wear dress to college
Boys no proplum.
Girls are pig proplum . (pig=big).
Girls should not wear T shirt, U shirt, V shirt, but if you want to wear. Remove it when inside the campus and put it outside the campus.
Open the doors of the window. Let the atmosphere come in.
Cut an apple into two halves - I will take the bigger half.
Open the doors of the window. Let the Air Force come in.

Think on these funny laws

Think on it... you will find it true

1. LAW OF QUEUE: If you change queues, the one you have left will start to move faster than the one you are in now.

2. LAW OF TELEPHONE: When you dial a wrong number, you never get an engaged tone.

3. LAW OF MECHANICAL REPAIR : After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.

4. LAW OF THE WORKSHOP: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
5. LAW OF THE ALIBI: If you tell the boss your excuse you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the next morning you really will have a flat tire.
6. BATH THEOREM: When the body is immersed in water, the telephone rings.
7. LAW OF ENCOUNTERS: The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.
8. LAW OF THE RESULT: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will!
9. LAW OF BIO-MECHANICS: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
10. THEATER RULE: People with the seats at the furthest from the aisle arrive last.
11. LAW OF COFFEE: As soon as you sit down for a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

12. LAW OF CONSULTANTS: Those who can, do. Those who cannot, teach. Those who cannot even administer, become consultants.

13. LAW OF SPECIALIZATION: People specialize in their area of greatest weakness

14. LAW OF ENEMIES: Friends come and go, but enemies accumulate.

15. LAW OF ORGANIZATION: In any organization there will always be one person who knows what is going on. This person must be fired.

16. LAW OF LIES: Everybody lies; but it doesn't matter since nobody listens.

17. LAW OF PROBLEM SOLVING: The solving of the problem lies in finding the solvers.

18. LAW OF DISCOVERIES: Great discoveries are made by mistake.

19. LAW OF LISTENER: A good listener is usually thinking about something else.

January 9, 2013

Funny Tech support and customer conversations

Funny Tech support and customer conversations.

1. Tech Support: What kind of computer do you have?

Customer: A white one.

2. Customer: Hi, this is Priya. I can't get my DVD out!!!

Tech Support: Have you tried pushing the button?

Customer: Yes, I'm sure it's really stuck.

Tech Support: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note.

Customer: No, wait a minute, I hadn't inserted it yet. It's still on my desk . . . sorry. Thank you.

3. Tech Support: Click on the 'MY COMPUTER' icon on the left of the screen.

Customer: You’re left or my left?

4. Tech Support: Hello. How may I help you?

Male Customer: Hi ... I can't print.

Tech Support: Would you click on 'START' for me and….

Customer: Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me. I'm not Bill Gates!!!

5. Customer: Good afternoon, this is Martha. I can't print. Every time I try, it says . . . 'CAN'T FIND PRINTER'. I even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says it can't find it!!!

6. Customer: I have problems printing in red.

Tech Support: Do you have a color printer?

Customer: Aaaah . . .. . . . Thank you.

7. Tech Support: What's on your monitor now, ma'am?

Customer: A teddy bear that my boyfriend bought for me at the 7-11 store.

8. Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.

Tech Support: Are you sure your keyboard is plugged into the computer?

Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer.

Tech Support: Pick up your keyboard and take ten steps backwards.

Customer: Okay..

Tech Support: Did the keyboard come with you?

Customer: Yes.

Tech Support: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another keyboard?

Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Wait a moment please. . .. . . . . Ah, that one does work. Thanks.

9. Tech Support: Your password is the small letter 'a' as in apple, a capital letter 'V' as in Victor, and the number '7'.

Customer: Is that '7' in capital letters?

10. Customer: I can't get on the Internet.

Tech Support: Are you absolutely sure you used the correct password?

Customer: Yes, I'm sure I saw my co-worker do it.

Tech Support: Can you tell me what the password was?

Customer: Five dots.

11. Tech Support: What anti-virus program do you use?

Customer: Netscape

Tech Support: That's not an anti-virus program.

Customer: Oh, sorry . . . Internet Explorer.

12. Customer: I have a huge problem! My friend has placed a screen saver on my computer . . . but, every time I move my mouse, it disappears.

13. Tech Support: How may I help you?

Customer: I'm writing my first email.

Tech Support: OK, and what seems to be the problem?

Customer: Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I get the little circle around it.

14. A woman customer called the Canon help desk because

She had a problem with her printer.

Tech Support: Are you running it under windows?

Customer: No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point. The man sitting next to me is by a window, and his printer is working fine!

Last and best one…!

15. Tech Support: Okay George, press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now, type the letter 'P' to bring up the Program Manager.

Customer: I don't have a 'P'.

Tech Support: On your keyboard, George.

Customer: What do you mean?

Tech Support: 'P' . . . on your keyboard, George.

Customer: I AM NOT GOING TO DO THAT!!!

January 8, 2013

Bus Conductor : Best Puzzle

Hardest puzzle... try to give the answer...!!! I was also unable to answer first time.

Once there was a bus conductor, who was very rude to his passengers.

One day a beautiful young girl, of around 18 years,tried to board the bus, but he didn't stop the bus. Unfortunately the beautiful young girl came under the bus and died on the spot.

The judge was not at all impressed with him and gave him capital punishment. He was taken to the electrocution chamber. There was a single chair in the center of the room and a single banana peel at one corner of the room. The conductor was strapped to the chair and high voltage current was given to him. But to everyone's amazement, he survived. The judge decided to set him free, and he returned to his profession.

After a few months, this time, a good looking middle aged woman tried to board the bus but the conductor didn't stop the bus. Unfortunately, this time also,the good looking middle aged woman came under the bus and died on the spot. Again angry passengers took him to the police station, who in turn took him to the court. The Bus conductor was taken to the same electrocution chamber where there was a single chair in the center of the room and a single banana peel at one corner of the room. He was strapped to the chair and high voltage current was given to him. This time also to everyone's amazement, he survived. The judge decided to set him free, and he returned to his profession.

A couple of months later, an elderly gentleman tried to board the bus. This time the Bus conductor, remembering his earlier experiences, stopped the bus.Unfortunately the elderly gentleman slipped and died due to his injuries. The conductor was taken to the police station and then to the court, to the same judge. Though he hadn't done anything wrong, but considering his past record the judge decided to set an example and gave him capital punishment.

The Bus conductor was again taken to the same electrocution chamber where there was a single chair in the center of the room and a single banana peel at one corner of the room. He was strapped to the chair and high voltage current was given to him.

This time he died instantly...!!!

The question is why didn't he die on the first two occasions, but died

instantly the third time??

Try to solve it yourself. This is rather interesting and answer is perfectly logical. If necessary read the puzzle once again.

Still if you can't, Then see below...!

think hard

don't give up!!!

tired..?

wanna know the answer????

Answer: During the first two times, the conductor was a Bad Conductor, therefore electricity didn't pass through him. But during the

third time, he was a good conductor, electricity passed through him freely and he died.

December 26, 2012

Marathi Majedar Questions

These are some funny marathi questions which makes us to think. Do you have answer to these ??

Marathi majedar, funny questions that are hard to answer.

अनुभवी डॉक्टर ही प्रैक्टिस का करतात ?
आपला जन्म इतरांसाठी झाला आहे तर इतर लोक कशासाठी जन्माला आलेत ?
शेंगदाना ऑइल शेंगदान्यापासून, सन फ्लावर ऑइल सुर्यफुलापासुन, तर बेबी ऑइल कशापासून बनवतात ?
टारझन ला दाढ़ी का नव्हती ?
प्रकाशाचा वेग माहिती आहे, पण अंधाराचा वेग किती असतो ?
गोल पिज़्ज़ा नेहमी चौकोनी बॉक्स मधे का पाठवतात ?
बांधकाम पूर्ण झालेल्या इमारतीला 'बिल्डिंग' का म्हणतात ?
फ्री गिफ्ट म्हणजे काय? गिफ्ट तर फ्री'च असत ना.
२१ म्हणजे ट्वेंटी वन , ३१ म्हणजे थर्टी वन , तर ११ म्हणजे वन्टी वन का नाही ?